If you are AZRA, please go away!

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Hello, the name's Alea. Soccer and squash, guitar and drums, music and poetry,video games and cars, green and black. This list could never end. NAsquare is forever.

An hour before the paper, I made a call. Hospice came over to install a life support machine.
The word hospice itself scares me beyond anything. My mind totally could not comprehend the situation. Maybe it could, maybe I just didn't want it to. Then the econs paper started. My mind totally went blank. I'm so screwed for my mid years now.

I went there today. Life support machine pumping oxygen, tubes everywhere, syringes. I cannot take it, or rather I can't take seeing it. I'm guessing death is inevitable for anyone or everyone. Fuck economics.

I need a study date with LM for chemistry, I just remembered I promised him.





Okay so I totally spas-ed and literally forgot that I had a blog, no I'm not kidding. So two months wow. Like anyone even bothers to read anyway, so I guess I update for me, myself and I.

Anything new? Nope. My band won Songfest '08, I took the Singapore Flyer, I miss the S06 gang, and I feel like burying myself alive. Fucking econs is tomorrow and needless to say I haven't spent any time properly revising for it.

Death is approaching a loved one, and I'm not sure how to react at all. It's so common for us to see cancer patients in their final moments, then they pass away peacefully and the family moves on. End of movie, we quickly chuck our empty cups under our seats and get out of the cinema. Well, it's not fiction nor is it a movie, it's real. Seeing it, experiencing it is far from what I expected. I'm not myself lately, the whole situation is engulfing my mind. I try to act as normal as I can in school for fear of being called "emo" or what-not from my friends. What's worse is knowing it can happen anytime over the next few weeks. I'm scared.

Somehow spending lunch with Meng Seng and the others has somehow considerably lightened my mood.





The internet became a dark evil force that refused to allow me blog. I have no idea why I'm actually explaining myself when no one even reads this blog lol. It's cool, I like keeping it low profile.

An eventful week of the March holidays, pretty much cos I practically walked out of my house on Sunday night and refused to come back home but I had to cos of stupid school. Had alot of fun that week with S06, really missed you guys, especially during squash. Playing for songfest auditons next week, oh yeah our band's name is Coriel. Random yet cool. Well at least I think so.

And I;m not sure how I'm gonna juggle songfest,squash trainings and guitar practices for the upcoming concert, not forgetting my tutorials and assignments. Gah. Friday's the Meng Seng house day, I am simply looking forward to dvds and guitar hero lol.





Okay, so progress test was pretty awesome, 3 A's and 3 B's. Feeling alot better than last week. Passed my malay A level paper so goodbye and good riddance, I will never have to do it again.

Yesterday squash was pretty exciting, we had our first (I mean MY first) friendlies against Meridian jc. Coach made me play against a badminton player, like wtf. She whacked the ball so hard and i got scared before even playing. I lost (duh) 9-8. So fucking close. My new racquet is heavenly, super light.

I am contemplating about whether to put a tagboard or not, but this blog remains relatively unknown and I like it that way. I also realised I haven't seen or spoken to Ruben since the start of this year which is sucky cos I used to see him every week last year. Sigh, first Justin now Ruben. I also realised that I never in my entire life had a girl bestfriend, only guys.

NAsquare, we hafta watch a movie this week or do something. Missing you guys man.





Progress test results should be out soon, and i'm feeling slightly more relaxed knowing that I passed the few papers I was sure of failing. Now there's just malay, which is a total screw-up.

Barbeque on Saturday was extremely fun and made me realise how much I miss the squash family. Fun until the last part where Phileas's squash ball which travelled more like a bullet whacked me in my left arm and it was seriously painful. Wasn't really his fault, I stoned like a idiot and wasn't paying attention to the surroundings. My eyes were like tearing after that, because of Meng Seng flicking my arm at the exact same spot. Sigh. Now it's numb.

My new class is pretty okay, or maybe it's too early to tell. And I just found out Mr.Laffyette Mitchell is in Yishun JC! Like omg. He never planned on going to a jc, but his father made him appeal in last minute. He sounded super sad on the phone, why do parents make you do things you know you can't handle.

I need an outing with NAsquare, haven't properly gone out this year yet(malaysia not counted!)
I was also reading through my old stuff in deviantart and found this poem. Now that I read it again after like two years, I find it pretty meaningless as compared to when I first wrote it.

He was the lone survivor,
staggered the enigma and terror
the corspses they torment
only He was vigilante.

outlined by the ambience,
flaming roots most blackened,
ghost of peace lived by carpe diem,
seized nothing and was condemned

He heaved upon the sire,
fled right before the fire,
the mind was his ecstacy
'twas not corrugated for thee





I don't know why, but I think it's better to write down your feelings than to keep it all inside hence the blog.

Yesterday was the Worst Day Of My Life.

I have never felt more like a failure at any point in my 17 years of living.
It just hit me suddenly, partly due to the shelling we received at guitar.
Did I say shelling? More like massacre. I wanna cry.

What a way to start a blog eh? Fuck it.

Justin David Ang, I miss you and need you ): get out of NS pleaseeee.